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I'm glad to say that the old man made it to see his seventy seventh birthday! He's not feeling very well today, just has a persistent cough as usual. Anyway, Happy Birthday to the best Dad ever!

Chaw time

Back when Tom was about 12 years old, he got the bright idea to cut a piece of chewing tobacco from a block of his Grandpa's tobacco. He grabbed it and ran outside down to the neighbors house to hide out in the tree in their front yard. Tom had a big wad of chew and as he kept chewing on it the dizzier and sicker he got. He got so dizzy that he wasn't able to climb down out of the tree. Instead of attempting to climb down he just fell out of the tree onto the street below, breaking his arm in the process. He laid there until a car came by and helped him home. While he was at the hospital getting his arm set Grandpa showed up with a new full plug of chewing tobacco. Grandpa told him, "you don't have to steal chewing tobacco from me..I'll buy you all you want!" Tom looked up and told Grandpa, "I'll never stick that stuff in my mouth again!"

More hunting humor

During deer season up around Burnet Tx. I was about 15 years old and thought I was pretty tough. We would sometimes have a break during the day. Dad always wanted to pursue the ever elusive whitetail deer, during midday he decided that we should go out and walk the property and maybe find a deer or three. We're walking along and Dad suggested that I circle out around a large area and walk back through making noise and possibly scaring some deer out toward where he was waiting. Being the stupid son that I was...I said "Sure thing Dad!" I leaned my rifle against a fence and off I went trudging through the briars and cedar trees.
While I was on my trek I saw movement just over a big log. I wasn't sure what it was but I thought it was a wild turkey. I was pretty adventurous and thought that I could possibly catch it. So I crept up slowly toward the log crouching down so I wouldn't be seen. I pounced over the log to grab a big Tom turkey. I actually caught the turkey with my bare hands but I didn't have a very good hold on him. I had one hand on his neck and the other wrapped around his body trying to grab his feet, but his right wing was loose and free to move. That turkey nearly beat me to death trying to escape! I wrestled with it for what seemed like an eternity as it beat the hell out of my face, scratching and clawing the whole time. I finally turned loose and that bird flew straight up until I could barely see it...then it turned and flew to another hillside.
I finished my walk around the area and got back to Dad. He said, "I never saw a deer but a turkey flew farther than I've ever seen!" I explained what happened and showed him the scratches and bruises from my encounter with the baddest bird I had ever tried to tackle. He laughed his ass off and said that if I had been successful in catching that bird, he would have seen to it that I made the cover of Field & Stream magazine. If you ever run across a turkey in the wild, my suggestion is to leave it the hell alone!

Tom, the deer slayer

I have a friend named Robert who has a two story cabin that he built on 40 acres of property. Last year he told Tom that he could go deer hunting there. I thought it was perfect because there is a bed upstairs with a window that overlooks a hillside and a clearing at the bottom...right where the deer cross a creek everyday. So I got Tom all set up with a chair by the window and a bag to rest his rifle and he was hunting! All he had to do was wake up before daylight, roll out of bed, open the window and wait.
Tom is a very good shot, so if I heard that rifle shot...I knew I was going down the hill and dragging the deer to the cabin to clean it. One morning I was making him some coffee and BOOM!! So I put on my coveralls and head down the hill.
Dad had dropped an 8 point buck...but when I arrived, much to my surprise..it was still alive and kicking! The buck couldn't stand up because his back legs were lame, but his horns and front legs were fully functional. When I got close he would make a horrific sounding groan and try to kick and gouge me. I didn't have anything to finish him off so I grabbed a broken limb and cracked him over the head attempting to knock it out cold. All that did was piss him off more. I positioned myself behind the buck and waited until he wasn't watching me and grabbed his horns! Then I realized that if I turn loose, this buck is gonna stab my legs with those horns. So I started dragging him up the hill toward camp. If you've never seen a deer, their neck muscles are way bigger than a man's leg..they are unbelievably strong! By the time I got him to the top of the hill, I had invented a new sport...Deer Wrestling!!

Reunion 2010 aftermath

Wow, what a great turn out. Thanks to Lester, Perry and Larry for coming all the way from west Texas! We had lots of people who came that I haven't seen for a long time...Mike Collier, Uncle Skip, Benny, Freda, Elaine, too many to mention them all! Everyone made this a very special reunion, I want to express my gratitude for each one who could be there. We missed some who couldn't attend...Rusty, Donna and Amanda...Aunt Barbara and Uncle Sonny..I hope for a speedy recovery to them. We had new additions to the family too, Jessica Reves who incidentally will be adding another around Christmas! I couldn't ask for a better family, I love each and every one of you.

Thanks to everyone for pitching in and making it all come together too. Did anybody else notice that Doris makes pretty good biscuits? The food was outstanding at every meal. Clean up and loading went smooth as well. Personally I appreciate all the effort that goes into making it a success every year.

I sincerely hope that all felt welcomed and enjoyed their time there. This reunion was wonderful! Best wishes to all.

Kirkland Family Reunion

Tom gets excited about a few things every year. Number one on his list is the family reunion. He tries so hard to get everyone together. He calls and calls everyone he can to make sure they know they are welcome at the reunion. It's very special to him and he starts preparing for it for months. He isn't in great health and he's quick to say "this may be my last reunion"....and this time he may be right. I've heard it before just like most of you. Unfortunately, he's had many more health issues this year and it gets scarier each time something happens. 

I sincerely hope that petty disagreements between family members don't hamper attendance this year. We're all family! I advise everyone to be forgiving and to be tolerant of others. We don't all have to agree about everything but we should be big enough to realize that none of us are perfect. 

We have relatives that live very far away and I've heard that some are coming all the way from west Texas. It's great when we can gather family that we rarely see. I hope that all of Wilburn's descendants can attend, also my Uncle Skip (Bill Herring) and all of his kids and grandchildren can be there too....We haven't seen some of them for a long time! This should be an event again and we NEED to keep this family together. Please attend if at all possible!

Puddles III

So by now you know Puddles had an extremely loud piercing bark. He was half beagle. Riding in a car or truck with him was painful, he had to have the window down and barked at everything we passed. Dad had a blue Ford pickup with a toolbox up near the cab. When Puddles rode in the truck, he stood on the toolbox with his head sticking around the cab barking in the window. Everywhere that truck went, Puddles would soon be there.
One day Tom sold his truck to another fellow. Puddles went to that truck. The next morning the guy was trying to go to work and Puddles wouldn't let him get near it. The guy ended up calling Dad to come and get the dog. For a week that dog did not let the guy drive his own truck because he was protecting it for Dad.
I also told you how he would bark to stop traffic...it wasn't limited to cars either. When a train would come through town and Dad had to stop while it passed, Puddles would run up and bark at the train until it was gone. He would bark in circles in the middle of intersections or by the trains attempting to make everyone stop so Dad could go on...and he would follow in chase. Anyway one particular time he got too close to the train and got his nose clipped by a step hanging down from the train. It knocked him in circles down into the ditch. We thought he was dead. Dad went over to pick him up and miraculously his nose was knocked sideways but he was still alive. After another trip to the vet, we took him home and put him on the well platform under a huge maple tree. He laid there for 3 weeks hardly moving except to drink out of our hands. He was tough though and he got better and went back to doing the same old things everytime....except he kept more distance between himself and trains!

Puddles II

Tom acquired Puddles from my uncle Buck's brother M.C. from Springfield. While they had him, he would go to the local tavern and all the locals would give him beer and candy bars. (I'm guessing snickers bars) Afterward, Puddles would wander down to the vets office and they would call his home. The conversation was always.."just give him another shot and send him home!" Amazingly Puddles would do just that.
After we moved to Texas Puddles became acquainted with rattlesnakes. His first run-in with snakes, Puddles came out on the losing end of that battle. He had seven bites, on his neck, face and front leg. He came home swelled up like a balloon. We took him to the vet and they miraculously saved him. For about a month he was in a leg splint. They nearly amputated his leg. He wouldn't get up for anything so my Mom would pick him up and carry him around for water or food, she thought he wasn't able to move around. One day she got in the car and was leaving the driveway...and here came Puddles with that leg sticking straight out running his ass off with three capable legs! 
It turns out that he got into a den of them again months later and was bitten all over. Once again the vet patched him up and told us that he may not survive. Again, in a few weeks he was up and playing just like always. Ultimately he ended up going back and lost his final battle. Puddles was the coolest dog I ever saw and to this day when I am in Nokomis, people still talk about that crazy dog. I wish there were more like him!    

Puddles

Back in the 60's and early 70's Tom had a beagle/basset hound mix named Puddles. I've got several stories to tell about Puddles. While we lived in Nokomis Illinois, everybody in town knew that dog. His bark was piercing and alarmingly loud. Everywhere Tom's truck went, Puddles followed. Nokomis is a very small town and Puddles would run behind the truck as fast as he could to keep up. Tom would turn his blinker on and the dog would start cutting across to shorten the distance. Tom thought it was fun to signal the wrong direction and watch him go the wrong way until Puddles realized he was duped again. Puddles had tons of character and he really was the smartest dog I ever saw. Dad would pull up to an intersection and Puddles would run out and bark in the intersection until the other cars stopped and let Dad drive on. In the mornings Dad would go down to Murray's cafe for coffee and Puddles would wait right outside the door. 
At one time Nokomis also had a pool hall. Puddles would sneak in the front door, go around the counter and grab a snickers bar and run under the pool table. Nobody could get the candy back because he would growl and bark until he was able to eat it. So when Dad would go to the pool hall he would have to pay for all the candy bars that Puddles had eaten. He did it so often that the owner would make bets that Puddles would do that exactly! He never bothered with any other candy except a snickers bar.
There's more to come about Puddles!        

DeSanti

Some of you know that Dad was stationed at the same base in Japan as me. Atsugi was cool and just beyond the barracks is a small park. Dad was a small guy when he was in the navy too, around 135 lbs. just like me.
Dad was at a picnic at the park with some of his buddies. One of them was a guy named DeSanti, he was a muscle bound guy..short and so stocky that he couldn't hardly put his arms down to his side. DeSanti liked to push his weight around and picked on guys all the time, typical bully. So DeSanti was acting like an ass and picking on a little fat guy that was a friend of Dad's. Dad told him to leave him alone so DeSanti focused in on Dad. He said, "I'll take you up in these woods and whoop your ass Tom." Dad told him, "Let's go!"
So on the way into the woods DeSanti started telling Dad,  "If you tell everybody I whipped your butt, I'll let you out of this." Dad kept walking and figured DeSanti was just trying to get out of the fight. Anyway they got into the woods and Dad started popping him about the head and face. DeSanti was so stocky that he was slow as hell. Dad just steadily hit him anytime he wanted. When they were both out of breath Dad told him, "Now you leave me and my friends alone DeSanti!" Dad went back down the hill and rejoined the party. He sat down and cracked open a cold one, when somebody yelled, "Look out Tom, here comes DeSanti!" He turned around just in time to knock DeSanti out cold. After that day, DeSanti couldn't pick on anybody anymore, everyone knew that he wasn't as tough as he looked. You should hear my Dad tell this story...He gets all excited and laughs his ass off.

Kill him George, KILL HIM!

Dad's friend George and his wife Mary had a big party. Skipper and the boys were there, Russell and Tom too. Russell had brought his brand new pickup truck and Mary was admiring it. Russell had talked John and Shawn into getting in the pickup and playing a prank on Mary. So Russell was telling Mary about all the new stuff that his truck had...including speech recognition. Mary was amazed and kept asking more about the truck. So Russell decided to show her his remotely controlled truck. He shouted, "Truck...Start!" To Mary's amazement the truck just cranked right up. Russell shouted again, "Truck...Pull Forward!" and the truck inched up just a bit. He yelled, "Truck..STOP!" Mary watched intently and it did indeed stop. She was ecstatic....until the boys got out of the truck. She turned to George and screamed, "Kill him George!!! Kill him!!" She literally told George to shoot Russell.

Spooked

We have a friend named Russell near Waco. Russell is a big guy but he gets scared easily. John and Shawn Herring kept the guy a nervous wreck from pulling pranks on him. There's more stories coming including Russell. Anyway Dad, Russell and Uncle Skip were at the deer lease again and Russell was making coffee. Dad slipped in the door, walked up behind him and said "What are you doing?" Russell jumped, started screaming and running. He ran through two doors knocking them off the hinges as he made his way to the back of the trailer. Both doors opened in the opposite direction from whence he came. He was peeking back down the hall to see what happened and Uncle Skip was in bed right behind him. Uncle Skip wanted to reach over and grab him but he was afraid Russell might tear up the rest of the trailer on the way out. We tease Russell about that to this day.

Driving Miss Glenda

Tom was traveling to a job with my Aunt Glenda in the truck. Uncle Richard was in his own van headed for Waco. They were pulling a 32 foot goose neck camper as well. Tom decided to stop for butane and pulled off the highway. Both vehicles stopped but Uncle Richard went on because he didn't need butane in his van.  Richard went back the way he came because he knew the frontage road was under construction. After topping off his tanks, Tom pulled out of the station. Tom was driving and started to speed up the frontage road to enter the highway again. He topped a hill at around 60 mph. Just as they topped the hill they were greeted by a huge pile of gravel on the frontage road....the road wasn't completed yet. With no time to react they braced for impact with white knuckles. The truck hit the gravel and sailed into the air, with the camper in tow! When they landed it was mayhem....the truck was fine but the camper was pretty messed up. The fenders on the camper were falling off but amazingly the camper stayed attached to the truck and was drivable. As soon as they were able to get stopped Aunt Glenda grabbed a beer and downed it. Aunt Glenda said "If we get to Waco, I'll never ride in the truck with you again Thomas!" They were able to make it to the jobsite and Tom didn't have any passengers on the return trip.

Legendary

Turtle neck

Tom was camping with some friends in Illinois and they were all getting drunk in the camp. Tom had caught a huge snapping turtle that night on the way back to camp from the bar. He was carrying the turtle and somebody told him to put the turtle donw because they have long necks and can bite. He said, "Oh he wouldn't hurt anybody" then leaned over and kissed the turtle on the back of the head.  The guy was astounded and said "Hey everybody, Tom just kissed that turtle on the head!" Lots of laughing ensued but some didn't believe him...So Tom being drunk decided he would prove it again. He kissed the turtle and this time IT KISSED BACK! He had to pull his lip away and had a huge indention and gash where the turtle had caught hold.

Moral of the story: Don't go kissing snapping turtles, their bite is worse than their bark.

Flathead

When Tom was a little kid, he was racing his cousins home on a  bicycle and crashed. Unfortunately he fell under a gravel truck and had his head partially crushed. To this day, he has a huge scar down the side of his face and was told that part of his brains were on the pavement. He was rushed to the hospital and the doctors went into action. The doctor, Boyd Alexander, called Granny with bad news...He said, "We don't think he's going to make it."

Thomas replied, "I'll outlive YOU doc!"

Propane Tom

My Dad bought a nice motorhome to use at the deer lease. He and his cousin Wilburn pulled the heater out of it and took it to the shop to be repaired. They got back to the lease and called it a night. The next morning they got up and Tom was in the motorhome by himself. He did as normal and started making coffee. He turned on the burner and rinsed the coffee pot out. Just as he got to the door to throw out the rinse water....BOOM!

He was hit in the back with the closet door and he was blown out the door of the camper. He still had the coffee pot in his hand and before he hit the ground he threw it so he could brace for impact. He was blown 20 feet out of the camper and was burned on his back and neck. His head sustained a gash from hitting the door on the way out but other than that..he was fine.

The camper was NOT so lucky. Before the blast it was a boxy looking camper..afterwards it was rounded off like an Airstream. The sides were blown off the frame and were no longer attached. The windows were blown out as well. That's how he came to be known as Propane Tom.

Convincingly crazy

After they were married for awhile my Mom decided to make Dad think that she was nuts. She would pull little stunts and act like she didn't know any better. He asked her to sew a new button on his pants as he had lost the button, she obliged and went to work on them. After diligent work, she gave them back to him when she finished. He tried putting them on, but she had sewn a huge coat button on. He just shook his head in disbelief. 
She decided to take it a step further and sewed all the leg holes shut on his underwear. She still laughs about seeing a one armed man hopping around in circles trying to put his underwear on.

Jimmy Johnson wannabe

Tom and I went deer hunting near Burnet Texas for several years. We would leave early sometimes and stop at the bar on the way to the deer lease. The roads leading to the lease were treacherous with curves, cattle guards and gates. As most people know, Tom has a penchant for driving too fast. He had his license suspended for a year for getting 23 speeding tickets in one year. They busted him as a "habitual violator". At the time he drove a '79 Chevy dually extended cab pickup with a monster 454 motor that ran like a scalded dog. So on the way to the lease we stop at the bar for a few rounds. One thing leads to another and we were there until closing time. Tom asks for one for the road and says "let's go!" So here we are, both drunk as skunks and heading to the lease. He's driving with his knees, smoking a cigarette, holding his drink and doing 75 mph on curvy dirt roads. The cattle guards had less than six inches clearance and he's jumping through them doing over 70. We got there without a scratch but it sure was a scary ride.

C-block

About 10 years ago, Tom, Skipper and I were out on the town at Mary's Cantina in Bastrop Texas. We were playing pool and ruling the table that night and we were getting pretty lit from all the beers we had won. We were staying out on the Colorado river at Skipper's friend Marvin's place. As I said, we were getting pretty drunk and it was almost closing time. I spotted a cute blonde that had been watching the pool games and went and asked her to dance.  We danced the last few songs and had a blast. I asked her if she wanted to join us out at the river and she said "Sure thing!" So, she was gathering her things as they called last call and I went and told Tom and Skipper that I had a guest coming with us. Then I made a big mistake...I went to the bathroom before we left. I returned from the restroom and the girl was going out the door. I found Tom and Skipper laughing by the pool table. I said, "What happened?" Tom had told her "You're too damned fat to go to the river with my boy!" Gee thanks Dad!

Rex the wonderdog

As a child, Tomjtexas had a large German Shepherd dog named Rex. He would meet Tom at the bus stop everyday after school. Rex was also a racist dog and he wouldn't allow colored people near their home. Black people who walked down the road would get a half mile away and walk out into the muddy fields to go around Rex. It didn't matter if they were carrying groceries or anything, they always avoided Rex.
Tom was down by the river one day and accidently fell into the water. The current was racing and Tom was swept out and couldn't manage to swim to shore. Rex dove into the water, swam to Tom and paddled hard to get Tom back to shore. If it weren't for Rex, Tom wouldn't have made it. He still talks with admiration for that dog.