This morning I arrived at the hospital hoping for some good news regarding Dad's condition. We've been hoping and praying for a miracle that hasn't arrived. Upon arrival, his infectious disease doctor stepped in to speak with me."I need to be blunt with you. His infections are only getting worse and his wounds will not heal. He's severely swollen due to fluid buildup and his kidney functions have worsened and the situation is hopeless."
It felt like someone hit me in the chest with a sledgehammer. I choked back tears and said "I understand." Right after I spoke the words Dad, opened his eyes and shook his head trying to focus. The doctor asked if he recognized me and he just stared at me. She told him to blink if he recognized me. He blinked twice slowly and deliberately. The doctor said she would give me some time with him and quickly exited the room.
I talked to him about the situation and he kept his eyes on me the entire time. I explained that I can't stand to see him suffer much more as I kissed him on his forehead. By this time, the tears were flowing heavily. Dad's eyes also welled up with tears. He closed his eyes again as he faded back to sleep.
I immediately came home from the hospital and had to have the talk with Becky and Mom. It's a difficult decision to let anyone go. We all can't bear to see him keep suffering. Tears have flowed and we are preparing for his death. A nurse told me that they could remove the ventilator and stop the propofol so that we could speak to him and he will be able to focus. We're about to go and say our final goodbyes.
We went to tell him goodbye and Dad had told the doctor to keep him alive as long as possible. His struggle continues....